Post by snowwhite on Jun 8, 2008 23:22:00 GMT
I basically thought i'd set myself up a little thread while i'm going to be making some changes in my life, finding the courage to sort some things out etc etc. So basically I can come here to my little thread to moan to my hearts content, and no one has to read it if they don't want to
Well, In two weeks i finish off my exams. The 20th is the date of my last of 24 (*sigh* yes, 24) exams.
And, after that i'll be contacting my social worker to discuss contact with Kelvin (my dad, who doesn't deserve to be refered to as dad ) I've thought about this before, but my social worker sort of helped me realise that at the time i was not ready for the impact it would have.
But now I feel that once i have my Gcses out of the way, I'll be ready, mentally, to go through with it. Ask him questions i've longed to ask for so long, i may not get an answer and he may not even want to see him, I'm prepared for that- but at least I won't have the lingering thoughts of "well..if i tried contact with him i might find out." I'd be able to say "well, I tried, he was unco-operate. What can ya do"
I'll also be asking him if I have a little brother or sister...if i do, i'm not sure how that'd affect me, i'd have a hell of a lot of thinking to do.
But, hopefully, after all is done, I'll be able to move on with the rest of my life. It's taken me a while to realise that I'd not given myself enough time to heal and get my head around everything.
I mean, when i think about it, it was only a little over 3 years ago that I was still living with an abusive alcoholic, and then i had my... "bad" year and a half.
But now, I feel that i've given myself enough time to begin to heal and carry on with the rest of my life and make the most of it.
The memories will always be there, as will the hurt of missing Kelvin at times...but the pain of feeling "not good enough" and everything else, that's all fading.
I feel i need to do this to finally end this chapter of my life, so to speak.
Well, that's my ramble for tonight
Well, In two weeks i finish off my exams. The 20th is the date of my last of 24 (*sigh* yes, 24) exams.
And, after that i'll be contacting my social worker to discuss contact with Kelvin (my dad, who doesn't deserve to be refered to as dad ) I've thought about this before, but my social worker sort of helped me realise that at the time i was not ready for the impact it would have.
But now I feel that once i have my Gcses out of the way, I'll be ready, mentally, to go through with it. Ask him questions i've longed to ask for so long, i may not get an answer and he may not even want to see him, I'm prepared for that- but at least I won't have the lingering thoughts of "well..if i tried contact with him i might find out." I'd be able to say "well, I tried, he was unco-operate. What can ya do"
I'll also be asking him if I have a little brother or sister...if i do, i'm not sure how that'd affect me, i'd have a hell of a lot of thinking to do.
But, hopefully, after all is done, I'll be able to move on with the rest of my life. It's taken me a while to realise that I'd not given myself enough time to heal and get my head around everything.
I mean, when i think about it, it was only a little over 3 years ago that I was still living with an abusive alcoholic, and then i had my... "bad" year and a half.
But now, I feel that i've given myself enough time to begin to heal and carry on with the rest of my life and make the most of it.
The memories will always be there, as will the hurt of missing Kelvin at times...but the pain of feeling "not good enough" and everything else, that's all fading.
I feel i need to do this to finally end this chapter of my life, so to speak.
Well, that's my ramble for tonight