|
Post by stratlady on Mar 3, 2007 4:04:16 GMT
@keely: I am so proud of you!!!! *hug*
I'd say more, but I think I'd just be repeating what Mike just said. ;D But seriously, I am proud.
|
|
|
Post by stratlady on Mar 3, 2007 4:33:30 GMT
Okay my time to rent. And it'll be long.
I am soooo fucking mad, and hurt and I so feel like crying. I am just so tired of being ignored. Pple I care about just don't care about me. Over the last few months, I send about 4 e-mails to my cousin including "merry x-mas", "happy b-day" and "what about that cappucino we were suppose to take together because you invited me"...did she answered any of these? Nope. I just hate her. When we see each other she is super nice, and we have fun, but then, she ignores me. And it hurts.
Same with my suppose friend. I mean, at first, she was all friendly, she's the one who actually e-mailed me saying "we shoud see each other" and then, after a while, once we have no course together and once she successfully used me in getting my book and my study notes, I don't hear from her. In fact, the last time I heard from her was because she wanted to borrow my book 'cuz she wanted photocopies. And she knew I had dropped the freaking course but still, she though I'd be stupid enough to let her borrow it without her buying it from me. I hate her to.
In fact, I should probably go around hating pretty much everyone (well, except you guys) because seriously people ignore me. Even my stupid asshole of guitar teacher blow me off today. No calls no nothing, although we were suppose to have a course today. And by the way, did I mention this is the second time? He can just go screw himself up.
I don't get it. What is wrong with me anyway?? Why the fuck to every pple I come across just end up hurting me? I try so hard to be nice, responsive, I smile, laugh, etc and still. Nobody likes me enough to stick, except when I can provide them with whatever they want.
And yes, I know, I probably should let this get to me, but it hurts to look around and feel like the only person who really care about me are my parents. Other than that, I might as well just die and nobody would care. Hell, if I were to kill myself (not saying I will or planning to 'cuz it's not the case) I bet they'd all be standing there at my fulneral being all WTF. Nobody gets it. Nobody gets me and I suck.
Even my cousin who is a drug addict does better in life then me. I suck so much and I feel so lonely and I miss my grampa so much because I am not anybody's love anymore. I even miss my gramma who died when I was 16 and I never really cried when she died. But now I feel like it. I'd have so much to tell her and she's not even around anymore. I also miss my brothers and sister who died 'cuz my mom had 3 misscarages before me and I never got to meet them, and because of that, I am stuck wondering for the rest of my life, how I'd be if they were around.
Life sucks. It's hard and I hate it. And I hate people around me for being such inconsiderate piece of shit. They just make me so mad, I wonder why I even care about them. But it's not like I can't care either.
Gosh I have a headache and I feel sick now. Too much stuff going on in my head I guess...*sigh* I am off to bed. I could hope that tomorrow will get better, but I don't feel like hoping anymore. Hoping hurts too much.
|
|
|
Post by mrbreathe on Mar 3, 2007 11:03:21 GMT
Aaawww, Mary. *Hug* User's are people who end it with no-one in the end. One day soon, your going to find some new people who really will care about you. We all care about you here, and we'd never want you to harm yourself in anyway. If you were gone, who would I send my piano songs to eh? And get your wonderful advice on how to improve? Stay strong, I know it's easier said than done, but I'm usually in this situation. How the world and all your 'friends' turn on you, and you really do think it's the end, but just think that they'll be a whole new day tomorrow, and all this shit will just blow away in the wind. I hope I'm making some sense. If you ever need to talk, you can always talk to me on msn. Take Care,
|
|
|
Post by stratlady on Mar 3, 2007 21:29:02 GMT
Thanks Darren. You actually got me feeling better a bit.
I guess I am going through some hard times...not really sure what's the deal with that, but whatever. I guess that's life. And you are right. Although it's not easy, I need to stay strong. But it's hard to be strong when feeling quite alone in there...although I have to say that having you guys here makes it waaaay 'cuz at least I know that there is somebody somewhere to cheer me up.
But you know what's good about it? Not having a guitar teacher anymore; I get more freedom to learn the way I want to learn. And although I couldn't have done that a few months ago, now I can thanks to the wonderful board that IBM is.
And I'll keep your msn offer in mind. And by the way, the same apply to you. If you need to talk, I am one e-mail away. (I can't really promise msn chatting though, since with school I barely have free time on my hands. And when I do, I stay away from computers. )
Thanks again for the sane talk. I needed to heard that. ETA: IBM = www.ibreathemusic.com <--the best music website/board ever and many pple on there are actually experienced players. Although it has more guitarists, the focus is still music theory, improvisation and all. Though that this can interest you.
|
|
|
Post by mrbreathe on Mar 3, 2007 22:54:07 GMT
Oooh, that sounds like a good website i can try out. I'm glad i made you feel better, it's what i aimed at doing. ;D So, is everything good again? For everyone?
|
|
Robynn
Admin
Friendly Neighborhood Admin
Posts: 2,381
|
Post by Robynn on Mar 4, 2007 1:03:08 GMT
Mary, you are a younger version of me. It's really hard to give and give and give, and the thanks being getting "kicked" around. Let me tell you, Karma does work. It'll all come back and bite them in the ass in the end, and the good stuff will start happening. I learned that I had to go through all that "shit" I did, so I could be more affective with helping the kids, and my real friends, who appreciate my gifts and talents. You'll find that you'll get the same experience and knowledge that will do you SO much good in the end. It's harder than hell right now, trust me, I know! You've heard bits and pieces of my life....so you know I've been there and done that. But I also know that you can't change yourself and NOT give of yourself and be truely happy. You'll try...oh, you'll try. You'll cry a lot, and you'll just go back to the "trust until given a reason not to" instead of "earn my trust, bitch!" In the future you will be such a better person because of it, and happier than everyone who ever hurt you on purpose, and used you. They will be the miserable ones, and you will be the one who chooses not to help them, because they made their bed...they have to deal with the consequences of thier actions of their lives. *hugs*
|
|
|
Post by stratlady on Mar 4, 2007 21:39:28 GMT
^^^So it will get better? 'cuz it's hard for me to believe. And I don't try to be a drama queen or anything...although sometimes after reading my posts I feel like it.
See, that's the only "good" thing with that. I learn to be empathic toward people and believe me, I am empathic. And in the end, I feel like it's these people's lost, because I KNOW that I would be a good friend. Sure, I may not be the one who'll go out every night of the weekends, but if anybody calls for anything, I will be there.
The thing is, that this knowledge isn't enought sometimes. Really, how can I feel good about myself, while being ignored/rejected by every pple? It's fucking hard. But you know it don't you?
That's soooo true. And I can't give up. And I tried to, but somewhow, I can't.
So, I am still up for more pain and bad times? Geez, that's great. Not that I didn't know that though. I just think that it's scary because I don't want to be that girl who is scared to trust pple. I can't afford that, since it's already hard for me to just interact with people, and if I feel like I can't trust the few people I interact with...my life with be damn sucky.
And I am already a better person because of this. Sure it's hard, but without that, I don't think I would have the slightest idea of who I really am. And as for those people, well, I don't want to wish them anything bad. Maybe they purposedly hurt me, maybe not. Either way, I will put all of this behind and make a mental note to myself not to get my hopes high with them again. I feel like it's the best I can do.
Thanks for your words Robyn. It really helped me making sense of all this and that feels really good.
|
|
Robynn
Admin
Friendly Neighborhood Admin
Posts: 2,381
|
Post by Robynn on Mar 5, 2007 2:34:07 GMT
Yes, you'll get more of this later, but it won't be so hard to let go of the "friends" who are just there to take advantage of you. You'll get to be a better judge of who those are, and you'll only have a causual acquaintance with them instead of allowing a true friendship to form. You'll get thicker skin, so these things won't hurt you nearly as bad as they do now. You'll get a true "it's their loss" attitude toward those who aren't your true friends, and really MEAN it, not just tell yourself that to make you feel better. Yeah, I know how hard it is to get "kicked in the teeth" ever time you do something nice for people. It stinks more than anything. I also know that Karma does work, and it'll come back to them 3 fold, as well as YOU..you're stocking up good karma in your "bank" account. You'll get more satisfaction when you help others than those who've never been there. You'll be MORE affective in helping those people, because you'll truely know how they're feeling, and not just be guessing. You'll be more trusted by your friends and clients (when that happens) because of all you've been through. Yes, it does get better. But, it'll still happen from time to time as you get older too. It won't totally go away. Sadly, you never really leave the high school drama in high school. Even people in their 50's play that stupid game. I've found it at every job I've had. I just don't play, and stay out of it as much as possible. If I hear the crap they're saying about me, I head it off at the pass and call "bullshit" on those starting the rumors, and then they've got no ammo. BUT, you'll need someone or somewhere to vent when things get tough....USE those you can vent to, and don't let it just fester inside of you. That's what I did (I had no one to vent to, really), and you'll get sick if you do that.
|
|
|
Post by stratlady on Mar 9, 2007 0:49:37 GMT
^^^Well fortunately, I got this board to vent. I do vent a bit on my parents, but not that much. Just don't feel confortable doing that. Plus there is certain stuff (my cousin thing) I wouldn't mention to my parents. 'cuz then, my mom would say it to my aunt, and my aunt to my cousin. And seriously, I don't need my cousin to feel like she has to spend time with me. I've got better thing to do with my time than to spend it with pple who don't care.
On another note Robyn, you know, I think I'll take your career suggestion into account. I'll do something in counselling. At first I wasn't too sure, but once I saw the info on occupational theorapy, I decided that I wasn't about to do that. If I do that, I need to do ANOTHER bachelor. No way.
I am thinking Rehabilitation couselling. ;D
|
|
Robynn
Admin
Friendly Neighborhood Admin
Posts: 2,381
|
Post by Robynn on Mar 9, 2007 2:10:50 GMT
Rehab counseling is cool.
Is that Kat Von-D in your avvy?
|
|
|
Post by stratlady on Mar 9, 2007 3:21:42 GMT
Rehab counseling is also an option. Especially since it's what my aunt and godmother was doing. In fact, it's a close tie b/w that and rehabilitation counsellor.
Yup. It's Kat. Recently I got addicted watching miami ink. Too bad we don't see the stars near her eyes though...those are so cool...I'd love to get myself temporary ink tattoo to do that.
|
|
|
Post by unicorn07 on Mar 10, 2007 19:58:20 GMT
Life sucks, me and my mother get all fucking happy and the world just tares us fucking apart...
..I don't think were moving..
Thank you world, my mother has put up and dealt with a lot of shit...thank you for ripping her heart out.
|
|
Robynn
Admin
Friendly Neighborhood Admin
Posts: 2,381
|
Post by Robynn on Mar 11, 2007 2:22:55 GMT
Rehab counseling is also an option. Especially since it's what my aunt and godmother was doing. In fact, it's a close tie b/w that and rehabilitation counsellor.
Yup. It's Kat. Recently I got addicted watching miami ink. Too bad we don't see the stars near her eyes though...those are so cool...I'd love to get myself temporary ink tattoo to do that. Those by her eyes had to HURT! They're cool though. She's got SO many tattoos at her young age. She's only 23.
|
|
Robynn
Admin
Friendly Neighborhood Admin
Posts: 2,381
|
Post by Robynn on Mar 11, 2007 2:23:59 GMT
Life sucks, me and my mother get all fucking happy and the world just tares us fucking apart... ..I don't think were moving.. Thank you world, my mother has put up and dealt with a lot of shit...thank you for ripping her heart out. Well, I've found if something that I've wanted fell through, I wasn't meant to be there, and something better is waiting for me. It'll be worth it in the end. The waiting sucks big time, though.
|
|
|
Post by unicorn07 on Mar 11, 2007 3:59:52 GMT
Well its not 100% whether or not we will more or not...its up in the air. And the waiting is defently the hardest!!
I usually think that, you know "it just wasn't meant to be" and the "there is something better" but all the houses, expect this one, we can afford aren't the greatest(nor are they in good neighbhorhoods)...so I think the only way will get "something better" is if my mother wins a billion dollars.
It just angers me more to see my mother upset...shes been through a lot, this was the "golden moment".
|
|