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Post by jussie on Apr 27, 2007 12:46:39 GMT
Well, at least people will be around you most of the time. You'll need "you" time as well...so it'll work more than likely. I'm glad you get to be citizen. You can vote! But I'm surprised that you have to be a citizen to get the operation. If you live here, and your husband is one, and his insurance is paying, that's all that should matter (the insurance part), and not citizenship. But the US never ceases to amaze me at the loopholes they make people jump through to get their needs met. The first isn't too far away. You going to have a citizenship party to celebrate? We're Suprised too, that Citizenship was an issue too. But it was. I'm just glad Simon's Friend was able to push it through. Emma is a Citizen too. She Automatically becomes one. I dunno, if i'll have a Party i should, that could be fun
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Robynn
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Post by Robynn on Apr 27, 2007 16:20:47 GMT
any excuse for a party will do! have fun...go out, or stay in...whatever. but get chips and dip and salsa and confetti and go crazy.
ok...if there's confetti, go out. that way YOU don't have to vacuum it up.
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Post by jussie on Apr 30, 2007 14:46:11 GMT
It's getting Harder and Harder for me closer to the Operation, The Seizures are gettiing Bad, because i'm so stressed. I try not to stress, And i try and think of all the good things that are gonna come from it but it's hard. I'm lost, and Afraid, And Missing Emma so badly. I call her and she doesn't talk to me, She talks to Simon, and tells him to give Mama a huggle for her. but won't actually acknowledge that i am there.
I know it's probably confusing for her. And i know i should deal with it coz i'm the adult BUT god it's hard. My 2 year old is across the Ocean, On the otherside of the world. I Just feel lost without her. She grazed her knee yesterday and I wasn't there!, I know i'm doing the best for her sending her away and having this Operation. I do know it But It's so Hard.
I'm ok when Simon is around. He's amazing! Our Relationship has strengthened so much in the last few weeks. I've seen a side of him that I have never seen. We Cry Together, and We talk about Everything. We've discussed things that should have been discussed a while ago. But ultimatly we've been brought together. But when he goes to work, i struggle. I really struggle. I try to go for walks and go out, Mainly i just watch TiVo, and do the washing. I go outside and Walk around the yard, Then i'll go for a nap, normally in Emma's Room, and I know that's sad. It just smells like her and i sleep really well. sometimes I wanna lock the door and never go in there until she comes back.. But i can't... It's not normal.
I'm afraid to Seize, and don't like going out in case i do, and the other day in the mall, That was my worst fear, and it happened why should i have to face all my fears? Why Me? Why Do I have to struggle with this? So many Questions, and yet there are no answers. It's driving me mad.....
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Robynn
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Post by Robynn on Apr 30, 2007 16:18:01 GMT
*gives you virtual hug*
All of your fears are normal. Your feelings are very normal. Trying not to stress is very difficult when you are alone, as what else do you have to think about? The surgery is getting closer and closer, so the anxiety will get worse, but then after that, it'll all be done. You have us to vent to, which helps? I hope it does.
I work earlier than I normally do today, so I'll be home earlier. If you need to vent if Simon's not home, I'll get on MSN when I get out of the shower.
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Post by jussie on May 2, 2007 3:15:16 GMT
You have no idea how much it helps. The purpose of this thread was to vent, and know that i'd not be judged. You guys have given me that.
I was having a bad day! I'm trying to be proactive. I've washed all of Emma's clothes and Sheets. Ready for her to come home. Trying to keep active and trying to keep upbeat.
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Robynn
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Post by Robynn on May 2, 2007 6:57:24 GMT
that's the spirit! just like with the alcohol....take it one day at a time....and if that's too much, one hour at a time...and if THAT'S too much, one minute at a time. I've been down to one second at a time in my life. You're doing great so far. Keep it up.
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Post by jussie on May 2, 2007 14:04:36 GMT
Is Cleaning alot normal?? Because LOL that's all i have been doing. Washing clothes and Sheets, I even went as far as to wash the curtians!! and the towels. And I have plans to clean the Bathroom and Kitchen Throughly today. I also have to do shopping and I might do some baking lol AS you can probably tell i am trying so hard to keep my mind off things. Doing OK so Far.... Simon is Taking me out tonight.. I'm excited!! It's been a week or so since i've been out. He leaves tomorrow to go away. So yeah hopefully my visits here will increase.
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Robynn
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Post by Robynn on May 2, 2007 15:07:10 GMT
Yeah, it's very normal, although I hate doing it so avoid it. I do the baking part though...then take the cookies to work so I don't eat them. You're doing great. Have a great time tonight, out on the town. It's going to be raining here, so that kinda ruins my going out to play with the kids thing I'd had planned for my day off. Wanted to go play tennis or basketball...just get outside and DO something. I hope it stops raining by then. Kennedy will kick our ass at whatever game we play, but that's ok...we'll be having fun, and that's what counts. I may even go back to bed this morning and catch a few more z's. I took the girls to school this morning.
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Post by jussie on May 3, 2007 11:38:37 GMT
Ha Ha well lol I Baked!! And cleaned Everything!! We went to dinner at This Awesome Restaurant, and he left at 4am for a whole week!!!!!!! So now both Him and Emma are gone
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Robynn
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Post by Robynn on May 3, 2007 17:11:51 GMT
Where did he go?
You aren't totally alone. You've said you have neighbors. Spend time with them, as often as you can. You'll be ok.
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Post by jussie on May 4, 2007 11:25:51 GMT
Illinois (sp?) I'm not alone Simon's Sister arrived yesterday Surprised Me!!! She's lovely, Her Name's Sallie, She 's Awesome!!
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Robynn
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Post by Robynn on May 4, 2007 16:37:04 GMT
Yep, you spelled that right. Good on yah...even us Americans have trouble with it most of the time. You should hear how many people mispronounce it.
Oh...girl time!!! You two have fun together. I have the next two days off, so I'm alone all day, until the girls come home from school. It's boring here when it rains...no going for a walk with my allergies the way they are. Don't wanna get sick from other sickie's walking too. :eek:
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Post by stratlady on May 4, 2007 22:30:14 GMT
I am soooo glad to see that throughout all this, you are staying strong and keeping up the good work Jus.
Oh and it is sooo nice of your sister-in-law to come spend time with you. This must ease your worries and Simon's a lot!!!!!
You guys have fun together!!!
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Post by jussie on May 7, 2007 15:14:06 GMT
Hey, Sorry I haven't updated for awhile Sallie and I have been busy shopping and redecorating the house and I had another Grand Mal and She had to call the Paramedics. As you can tell i'm fine. Simon has been calling me religiously and txting Sallie. But i'm actully really good my spirits are high, and Sal is amazing, Her Husband should be here shortly then we're going to the mall well yeah just thought i'd update Jussie
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Post by jussie on May 8, 2007 14:34:32 GMT
Well 7 Days to go. I'm Scared, It's like really set in I had another Visit with the doctor to sign all the paperwork. He Again told of all the things that could go wrong. And I got to thinking. What use would I Be to Emma if it did go wrong.I could get permanent Brain Damage, and because of how long i'll be under, I may not wake up. all for what? The Chance My Seizures Could be gone. Well All this being taken into account I still signed the papers. In 6 days I'll be admitted and in 7 I'll be in Theatre.. I'm so scared..
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